Britain to send troops to Ukraine and Greenland? Where are they going to come from? - Patrick Mercer

Then, on January 3 the daring, airborne raid to seize the Venezuelan president happened - curiously involving the same American units last seen in East Anglia with well blackened faces. Now, mighty was the outcry and quick was Sir Keir to deny any Brit involvement, but…

Several oil tankers then fled from Caracas, a couple of which hoisted Russian flags and were immediately pursued by US and - you guessed it - UK air and naval forces. Fair game, you might say, yet Westminster remained rather subdued about the whole thing.

Come on, Sir Keir, your back benchers may not like The Donald’s gunboat diplomacy, but you can’t distance yourself from latter day imperialism in Venezuela on the one hand whilst sending what few Marines and sailors we have to deal with the fallout. It was convenient that Russian colours were on display, but the government’s stance was simple hypocrisy.

Yet maybe that’s preferable to our premier’s subsequent behaviour which can only be described as hallucinatory. He signed a joint agreement with France and Ukraine suggesting that British troops would be deployed to that unlucky country once a ceasefire was declared. You can ask what ceasefire; you can ask what troops, but neither pieces of cold reality seemed to disrupt our leader’s dreams.

Interestingly, an MoD assessment of the tasks of this UK/French force suggests that they’ll have their work cut out just controlling angry, well armed and brutalised Ukrainian soldiers who will have been demobbed into a ruined country. That’s even before the Russians’ consistent and unequivocal threat to attack any Nato soldiers who trespass into Ukraine

It’s as though Downing Street promised a feather weight boxer and a hefty purse to go into the ring with Tyson Fury. The idea’s enticing until you realise that your brawler’s working from home, you’re fresh out of money and the gloves and satin shorts are out of stock.

This mild fantasy soon turned into purgatory, though, when Mr Trump once more underlined his intention to grab Greenland. Whilst no one can deny that frosty island’s strategic importance, she still falls under Denmark’s control for everything except domestic matters.

Denmark’s Prime Minister, Mette Frederiksen, said: “One thing must be clear to everyone. Greenland does not want to be owned by the United States. Greenland does not want to be governed by the United States. Greenland does not want to be part of the United States.”

It’s obvious that domination of the near Arctic is in the USA’s interest, if only to keep Russia and China at bay. The American President has simplified that by saying that Greenland is a crucial part of his ‘Golden Dome’ missile defence project. But, for crying out loud, Denmark/Greenland are fellow Nato partners, manoeuvres against whom throw up all sorts of problems.

As if to deliberately exacerbate things, Mr Trump has refused to rule out military action saying that the US would take Greenland “one way or another”. This, of course, conjures up all sorts of images of Denmark’s invoking ‘Article 5’ - the rule which suggests that an attack on one Nato member could bring all the other countries to the victim’s aid. With that in mind, Mrs Frederiksen has been very stark: “…military force would spell the end of the trans-Atlantic defence alliance.”

Then there’s Sir Keir’s stance on this latest crisis. Whilst not actually condemning the US’s threats, our Foreign Secretary was told to say, “The future of Greenland is a matter for Greenlanders and Danes and nobody else,” before the government started muttering about sending forces to be part of a Nato corps that would “deter aggression” in Greenland.

That really means ‘let’s send our boys: they’ll pretend to help the US keep our mutual foes away whilst actually making it too awkward for Mr Trump to do anything rash’. But, once again, from where will these troops come, I thought they’d all been earmarked for Ukraine?

And then there’s another bit of Eurotripe doing the rounds. There’s talk of Greenland being given away by Nato/EU in exchange for much more US support for Ukraine. Two points spring to mind: first, whatever forces the COW (Coalition of the Willing) chose to send would be risible: second, Brussels doesn’t own Greenland.

Meanwhile, whilst Nato turns itself inside out, Ukraine endured another round of attacks. Importantly, she had some success against Russia’s shadow fleet, but Moscow used another devastating Oreshnik missile against an aircraft maintenance plant and caused catastrophic damage to her energy facilities.

Remember the old quote that Russia’s two best officers are Generals January and February? Well, they’re back in harness and are more sapping, more deadly than any missile. As the snow falls, the heating and clean water fail, plans are being drawn up for the complete evacuation of civilians from Kiev.

Patrick Mercer is a former MP for Newark and Army Colonel.