How we can honour all those that we lost during the pandemic - Daxa Patel

Celebrities have talked about their journey of grief in ‘normal times’ but ordinary people often find their grief is unacknowledged and the complex nature of grief for those bereaved during the pandemic adds a whole new dimension. Lip service and casualness about death, dying and grief in ordinary times is challenging at best but imagine how much harder it is for those who lost loved ones to an untimely and horrible death at a time when they could not be by their bedside.

As we mark the fifth anniversary of lives lost and those left behind, let us take a moment to reflect on the pain, resilience and baptism of fire so many endured. For once we had a health crisis that did not discriminate as it affected the entire world regardless of colour, age or faith.

The ongoing Covid Inquiry is revealing the scale of the decision making, and the impact of these decisions on individual lives. Each one of us will know someone within our community affected by the virus. Family members dying or being taken to hospital or being shielded was how the horror of the pandemic was unfolding. Personally, I selfishly thanked God that my father was no longer alive as I heard friends not being able to protect their parents.

Sir Gareth Southgate in his recent lecture talked of the importance of resilience and belief in younger men, these traits are universally applicable and we saw resilience in spades during this crisis. Words like social distancing, superspreader, the two-meter rule were the currency of those days, yet the community spirit was the positive aspect.

We may have forgotten what happened or we may try to put this behind us or even pretend life has got back to normal but how history will judge us in a 100 years’ time is through what we learnt from the pandemic and how did we make the world a better place than it was before the pandemic?

Those scarred by the pandemic are our teachers. From support bubbles to masking and missing a loved one’s funeral or worse still attending a funeral and not being able to hug others who were mourning are just a few of these painful stories. These are harrowing real life stories that will haunt many for the rest of their lives.

Those working in the medical and health care profession were put under enormous pressure and the trajectory of their lives forever changed. A law abiding daughter ‘kidnapping’ her parent to shield them as they had a better chance of surviving the virus in a non-care home setting are stories that only those who lived through will bear. Still, we must rise from the personal horror stories to find purpose and meaning.

As we navigate the aftermath of such a global upheaval, it is crucial to remember that the lessons learned during this time are not just historical footnotes but guiding principles for our future. The pandemic has taught us the value of connection, the strength found in community and the resilience that resides within each of us.

These are not just words; they are the foundation upon which we can build a more compassionate and understanding world. In the face of adversity, we have the opportunity to redefine what it means to live with purpose and intention. It is about taking the lessons of loss and turning them into a catalyst for change.

We can choose to honour those we have lost by living fully and authentically, reaching out to those who are still struggling, and by being a beacon of hope and support.

My book, ‘My Dad and Me: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Life’, was born out of my own experience with grief. It serves as a reminder that while we may feel isolated in our sorrow, we are never truly alone. Our stories, our struggles, and our triumphs are interconnected, and by sharing them, we create a tapestry of resilience and hope.

As we move forward, let us commit to being present for one another, to listening with empathy and to acting with kindness. Let us be the generation that not only survived a pandemic but emerged stronger, more united and more determined to make a difference. The road ahead may be uncertain, but together, we can navigate it with courage and grace.

We can honour the past by shaping a future that reflects the best of humanity. In doing so, we ensure that the sacrifices made were not in vain.

Daxa Manhar Patel, resilience coach, author and solicitor.