Jayne Dowle: Families’ problems can no longer be ignored

Not to mention the pressures and dangers of modern life which have to be met and dealt with. Cyber-bullying in primary school. Legal highs available over the counter. Girls starving themselves to look like perfect TV stars. I don’t think we parents need a poll to tell us that it’s getting harder.

However, new research for the campaigning charity 4Children has found that more than half of people in Yorkshire believe that family life is more difficult now than it was 20 years ago.

The charity, which campaigns for recognition for parents and children, argues that public services should be better aimed at families. It’s quite shocking really, to find that just over a quarter of parents believe that even childcare is not welcoming and supportive. You might think that a service aimed directly at families would manage to meet their needs. Any parent who shells out hundreds of pounds a month to have their little ones looked after while they go to work will tell you that it doesn’t.

Guaranteed affordable childcare is just one of the recommendations the charity makes. It also wants to see local councils improve their family-oriented services, more support for vulnerable families, a major house-building programme of affordable and social housing and part-time and flexible working to become the norm.

I applaud all of these suggestions, but I can’t see many of them coming to fruition without huge injections of public money and a major shift in attitude from politicians, policy-makers and employers. And that will take time. We need action now.

What use is this poll then, except to remind us what we are lacking? Well, it makes us all think. Almost all the concerns it raises are not caused by children, but have come about because of the decisions and actions of adults. It is deeply ironic that we live in a world which panders to children and wraps them in cotton wool, yet at the same time barely tolerates them. We need a much more considerate approach, not just from parents but all adults. We have a responsibility to give the youngest members of our society the best chance possible. And although some of the problems highlighted seem insurmountable, each of us can make a difference every day.

I’d start by urging us all to be a little more tolerant. The research found that more than one in five parents thought their neighbourhood was not a good place for children to grow up. 
Of course, this depends entirely on where you live. Some children are being raised on impoverished estates with grilles on the doors and no play facilities. They 
have to learn to dodge the gangs and avoid the drug pushers. Yet even those growing up in relatively comfortable areas face danger from selfish motorists who ignore speed limits and race through residential areas with no thought for anyone but themselves.

Ask yourself – are you actually kind to children? All too often my two return home with an aggrieved tale of being told off by some busybody. I’m not saying they’re angels. And they certainly don’t get away with bad behaviour. I take umbrage though when I hear that they have been shouted at for walking on a wall or pushed out of the way in a shop.

My 11-year-old son, Jack, came home on the verge of tears the other day because he had held the door open for a woman who rushed past him without even saying thank you. All too often people are too concerned with their own agenda to give a minute to youngsters. We adults have a responsibility to set an example to them. If we can’t be polite and thoughtful, how can we expect them to grow up the same way?

All of this comes home to roost, literally. The pressures of getting children up and ready for school, juggling work and feeding them on their return are bad enough already. They are made worse when those children fall through the door and slump in front of the television angry, bruised and battered by a world which is unkind to them. When we talk about “problem families” is it always fair to blame the parents entirely? What about the impact of outside influences? It’s an interesting conundrum which we should consider.

Family life is tough, we know that already. However, in the end, most of us learn to cope with the day-to-day challenges and get on with it. What is much more disturbing is the fact that almost half of the people 4Children spoke to believed that their children will end up having a life which is worse than their own. Whatever else politicians and policy-makers do, they can’t afford to ignore this. Families make up the bedrock of society. Whether we have children or not, a society which is going backwards does none of us any favours at all.