Why we must all learn to be more optimistic like older generations - Daxa Patel

I tend to write about politics and where we can do better. I also touch on human psychology, as in the end what we are surrounded by affects us, but it is down to us how we respond and still find our joy amidst chaos. Hope and Optimism requires effort. I saw four boys, probably aged around twelve, sitting in a bus shelter, all of them glued to their mobile phones.

The world as it is has created added pressure for the younger generation. Battling with digital cyber bullying and isolation, not to mention mindless scrolling on social media, there is something else that is serious. The missing art of being able to communicate how one feels means more youngsters will grow up without certain life skills, amongst these skills is the ability to find hope and be optimistic when life gets tough.

I had a conversation with an almost 90-year-old and a wonderful lady we met about ten years ago at a Cruse group bereavement forum. She lost her husband the same day I lost my dad, both men left a massive hole in our respective worlds.

We only attended one session as a group format was not for us, as we were about to part company we exchanged telephone numbers. She said she would not normally but she thought she could trust me. To me, she was the epitome of a no-nonsense Yorkshire lady with grit.

Ten years on we spoke this week on the telephone as we stayed in touch through letters. I know letter writing is a lost art, but it creates a deeper connection than a text message on WhatsApp.

During our call she told me how horrendous this year has been for her in that she has lost six of her oldest friends with whom she had a cherished connection, sharing life’s highs and lows over a period of five decades or so.

She said she felt deeply sad as she was the only one left and on top of that she lost her younger sister to cancer, so overall, a really hard year for her. But she said, she has good days and bad days, but more good days then bad.

My mind immediately noted her optimism. She added each day she wakes up she tries to embrace the day knowing that she is here for a reason though she still does not know why she is here. Our conversation made me appreciate how older people who have suffered a great deal in life despite health issues and personal losses keep going no matter what. Their language and how they inspire others is an offering of hope and optimism. If we do not learn from them really, we are a lost cause.

My friend has been through the loss of her talented teenage son who was brutally attacked. She was also buried alive when the family home roof caved in, yet her take on life is to live with hope and optimism. My point is, in a world of political rhetoric and soundbites, digital invasion, and social isolation and rising mental illness, we must all find our own learned optimism.

Depression and generalised anxiety disorder is on the rise so let us shift from default pessimism to default optimism, be it in our language, our inner self talk, and certainly in our behaviour.

This week I was painting over two holes filled in to hide the dent left by a grab handle I had removed following my father’s death. The holes were plastered, sanded down and then painted over, but I can still see evidence of the hole left by the grab handles. My lesson: this is a mirror of my life; my father’s death left a huge void of my biggest cheerleader. I carry the scar of the ache I still feel and in life we will all carry these scars beneath the surface. Again, we are left with a choice, wallow in pain or turn the pain into a new hopeful future.

Are we looking at a given situation as temporary, pervasive, and personal? It is a crucial balance between delusion or kidding ourselves vs being realistic.

Hope and optimism are not just abstract concepts but practical tools that we can harness in our everyday lives. By consciously choosing to see the possibilities and the positive aspects of our circumstances, we create a ripple effect that not only benefits us but also those around us.

It is essential to remember that optimism does not mean ignoring the hardships or the realities we face. Rather, it is about acknowledging them and deciding to envision a better outcome despite the obstacles.

Let us be the exemplars of learned optimism, showing the younger generation that despite the challenges, a brighter future is possible.

Daxa Manhar Patel is a leadership coach, author and solicitor.