Why we need to acknowledge the pain of the pandemic - Daxa Patel

I held off watching the BBC documentary on Love and Loss: The Pandemic, five years on until I plucked up the nerve to watch it last night.

I am staying with this theme as it is unfinished business. Collectively, we need to acknowledge the grief and pain families went through during the pandemic, and then, help them be seen, and heard.

The BBC documentary made by a journalist who lost her own mum in a care home was hard to watch. Apparently, six out of ten people who died were disabled. Older people and the vulnerable in care home settings were the biggest casualty. While the state promised to put a protective ring around them, they did the opposite, patients were discharged from the hospital to the care home without a covid test. Why? Because they were dispensable. I am angry and so are many.

The key workers, bus drivers, nurses and social care professionals were the ones who took a bullet for us. Disproportionately from the Black and Asian background were also casualties. Each person who died whether officially registered as death caused by Covid-19 suffered a confusing and traumatic experience. The suffering continues for those left behind.

The pandemic has caused lasting damage for many. Until the pandemic and the lock down restrictions I had never worked from home and since then I have not worked in an office setting. Sons and daughters are left with the guilt that they could not do enough by their dying parent/s. People living by themselves with no families silently suffered. Unless we acknowledge these challenges, we cannot begin to heal. My first hug came in May 2021, many others suffered on a far greater scale.

We know without the Covid Inquiry outcome, that the first lockdown was too late, we failed to close off our borders to international flights. The second lockdown could have been done sooner, and the third lockdown could have been avoided. Mercifully, those behind the speedy discovery and roll out of the vaccines saved the day, because most of our political ‘leaders’ were not just ill-prepared but made some serious errors of judgement. Still, it is what it is, where we go from here is what is in our hands.

For those left behind, there is anger about the No. 10 parties and what followed including the PPE scandal of giving contracts to people they knew but had no track record in this field. The ill-judged Eat Out To Help Out scheme though well intentioned to help businesses probably backfired and contributed to yet another lockdown.

The pressure in our society to get back to ‘normal’ is like a child burying their head in their mobile while the parents tell them to eat their food. We really must create the space to talk and listen to facilitate a new normality.

While we cannot undo the past we can certainly learn from the past. Those qualified mental health clinicians and professionals do a fantastic job in serving those in need, but there are so many who suffer while they are on the waiting list. The question we can all ask is what we can do in our individual capacity and as a community to give them a sacred space where their wounds are acknowledged not as a problem to be fixed, but with love and kindness.

My greatest concern is that post-pandemic we have failed to get to grips with reaching out to those who are going through depression or those who have lost the confidence to leave their house. While some instances warrant qualified intervention, society can do a lot to put their protective arm around people who are struggling.

The pandemic was unexpected which meant our responses were unexpected. We went through something we never thought we would have to endure.

As we navigate the aftermath of the pandemic, let us remember that healing is a collective journey. While we cannot change the past, we can choose to be present for those who are still suffering. By extending our hands and hearts, we create a tapestry of support and understanding. Together, we can transform pain into purpose, ensuring that no one walks this path alone. In conclusion, we can all do much more to help those still hurting.

Daxa Manhar Patel, resilience coach, author and solicitor.