How we can all live a fulfilling and meaningful life by taking a holistic view - Stephen Bruyant-Langer
The American academic Clayton Christensen once described attending a five-year reunion with his MBA classmates where many had achieved conventional success. Careers seemed on track, and they had attractive spouses, with children on the way.
But fast-forward 20 years and most of them were miserable. To the outside world they were successful, but many were divorced and lonely, with other people raising their children.
How did so many promising, intelligent, high achievers end up in such a lonely and miserable place? Christensen argued that they focused too much on short-term, extrinsic goals as opposed to long-term, intrinsic ones. They never stopped to ask themselves what they wanted from life or where their life was heading.
So, if you feel like you're watching your life unfold from the sidelines, unsure of which direction to take, you are not alone. Many of us reach crossroads or dead ends in life, feeling stuck and uncertain about our next move. Our instinct is often to zero in on the problematic area and change something. However, life doesn't exist in neat compartments. Your work affects your home life; your relationships influence your career. To truly flourish, we need to adopt a holistic view.
I encourage you to ask yourself two questions: What do you want from life? And what brings you meaning?
Society often measures success by external markers: salary, prestige, possessions. But do these align with your personal values? Do those things really matter to you? Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What would make you proud? What would have made life worth living?
Once you have developed existential clarity, have the courage to choose the life you want. Don't think in terms of ‘either/or’; instead, choose ‘both/and’. For instance, you might decide that both a fulfilling career and strong family relationships are crucial to your well-being.
But choice without action leads to procrastination. We need to take action to bring our goals into reality. Be bold and make potentially dramatic changes to live the life you want. Thinking alone won't make things happen. In our example, you might schedule regular family dinners and set boundaries at work to ensure you can attend them.
Finally, we need to accept responsibility for our actions. Every action (or, often, inaction) has consequences. Action without responsibility leads to blame-shifting and poor future decision-making. After all, it’s all someone else’s fault, right? So, what’s the point of making choices if we aren’t responsible for the outcome? This is an unhealthy perspective that will leave you feeling as though life happens to you, rather than recognising that you have the power to make your life. Responsibility enhances our ability to make good future choices. Remember, mistakes don't define your life, but your reaction to them can.
To live a full life we need to survive. We need food, water and shelter, but also a sense of self-esteem and relationships.
Next, we need to live. This means making choices, taking action and accepting responsibility. In this way, we move our lives forward on our own terms and feel empowered to curate our present and future. This is the on-going process of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Finally, we want to thrive. Thriving is about the feeling of lightness, energy, optimism, and joy we get from making meaningful changes in our life with the long-term picture firmly in mind.
Stephen Bruyant-Langer is the author of ‘The Existential Playbook – How to Survive, Live and Thrive’.