Mother's Day: Yorkshire co-founder of The Motherless Mothers encourages women to write to absent mums
In June last year, North Yorkshire mum Louise Kirby-Jones was navigating the early weeks of motherhood with her firstborn son, without the love and nurture of her own mother.
It had been some years since Louise, of Malton, had lost her mum. But with her own journey into motherhood, there was a new level to that loss and she found herself turning to a Facebook group to seek support from other mothers in similar situations.
Psychotherapist Adina Belloli, whose mother passed away when she was just six months old, responded and the pair agreed there needed to be more accessible support, connection and representation for others like them. Together, they founded The Motherless Mothers, a community for women whose mothers are absent due to loss, illness or estrangement.
With UK Mother’s Day this Sunday, the women are running an initiative called A Letter to my Mother, encouraging women to write to their absent mums.
Adina says: "Mother loss is a lifelong journey, one that reshapes who we are and how we mother. I know this not only as a grief psychotherapist but as a motherless mother myself.
"Losing my mum as an infant meant I grew up without her voice, her touch, or her guidance. But what I’ve learnt, both personally and professionally, is that love and loss exist together.
"I believe in the power of words to heal, to reconnect, and to give voice to what remains unspoken. Writing to my mother has been a profound way to honour her, to give voice to my grief, and to feel connected in her absence.
"'A Letter to My Mother' is an invitation for every motherless mother to say what was left unsaid, to keep that connection alive, and to claim space for our grief and love on a day that can feel so lonely.”
The women say they have been inspired by Anna Jarvis, the woman who founded Mother’s Day in the United States, who encouraged people to write heartfelt letters to their mums.
Louise, who lost her mother in 2012 following cardiac surgery, says being able to communicate with her mum in writing is powerful.
“It feels really poignant that Anna started Mother’s Day to remember her heroic mother. In a way, we are taking Mother’s Day back to its roots and giving women the chance to say their mother’s name on Mother’s Day; to write them a Mother’s Day message and to process emotions on this difficult day.
"It’s one thing being celebrated as a mother yourself on Mother’s Day, but not being able to join in with celebrating your own mum is really isolating.”
The Motherless Mothers was created to fill a void that many mothers experience. The aim is for the community to provide support, representation and empowerment. It currently offers a monthly online drop-in call, a private online community, private online chats, and resources and advocacy tools.