Sheffield Life, Loss and Death Festival returns for conversations about grief, baby loss, assisted dying and more

The people at Compassionate Sheffield believe that the sooner we do that, however, the more prepared we will all be for the inevitable.

With that in mind, 10 free events from the Sheffield Life, Loss and Death Festival will be on throughout the month, returning to foster more open conversations about dying.

Nick Deayton, programme manager at Compassionate Sheffield, says: “I think a large part of it is around trying to shift the perspective of death being viewed as almost like a failure, or a medical failure more specifically, and actually just an inevitable and important part of life.

"Traditionally, I think we talked about death, dying and loss a lot more, and because we talked about it, a lot more people were able to informally share information much more effectively about it. Because we've stopped talking about it, we've stopped being able to develop our own literacy and knowledge in the topic and we've prevented ourselves from being able to support one another effectively with it.

"I recently became a parent. When you're putting life into this world, you have people coming round and people giving you advice about feeding and giving you clothes and all this sort of stuff. But we tend to not do that when people are approaching the end of life or following a death, and people end up isolated and lonely and distracted because they don't have the logistical preparation in place, but also the emotional preparation.”

Compassionate Sheffield’s programme started in 2021 to improve people’s experiences of death, dying, loss and grief, and is funded by the NHS Integrated Care Board, Sheffield City Council and St Luke’s Hospice.

It is no coincidence, Nick agrees, that the festival was first put on in 2023 after the Covid-19 pandemic, a time when the public was saturated with near-constant information about so many people dying.

In the years before the pandemic, however, the shift from religion to a more secular way of life in the UK also left society lacking the vocabulary for the end of life.

"I think there's a lot more messaging now, particularly in line with advertising and consumerism, that encourages people to be perfect. It sort of goes against that a little bit if there's the vulnerability of mortality and the reality of aging,” says Nick. “And I think we've become less connected through different behaviours as well. So traditionally, a lot more people would die at home and then, for example, the body would stay in the house before the funeral and for the wake, and the body would often be in the living room, and then the body would go through the streets. It was a social and a domestic and a community event – much like birth, death was. But now we've kind of institutionalised death.

“A lot more people now die in hospitals or care homes, and we kind of keep things at slightly more arms length as we've institutionalised and almost professionalised, and arguably medicalised, death rather than doing it as a social and a cultural event.”

Topics discussed at events throughout the month include, of course, grief. But more than that, people can learn about multi-faith and belief perspectives on life and death; supporting ourselves and others through baby loss; men talking about loss and grief; what a good death means to you; talking about suicide; assisted dying; and issues specific to people who are LGBTQIA+.

Events begin today with an online session titled Supporting Ourselves and Others Through Baby Loss, which takes place from 1.30pm to 2.30pm. It continues next Thursday at noon with What a Good Death Means to You, hosted by St Luke’s Hospice outside their branch at The Moor shopping centre, before a panel discussion on assisted dying at Sheffield Hallam University’s Dorothy Fleming Lecture Theatre from 6.30pm on the same day.

The assisted dying debate has reignited over the last year, with Spen Valley MP Kim Leadbeater’s Parliamentary bill – allowing adults who are terminally ill, subject to safeguards and protections, to request and be provided with assistance to end their own life – succeeding in an initial vote in the House of Commons in November.

“In lots of settings, it can often be quite polarising or binary,” says Nick. “‘Are you for or against?’ What we're trying to do is bring together a panel of people who have a broad range of perspectives, and for us to try and examine and understand the complexities. So really looking at the grey area.”

Festival organisers stress that there will be welcoming environments for supportive conversations, practical tools and resources, and opportunities to connect with other people.

Feedback from previous attendees, shared by organisers, points to anything but a depressing time. “I feel uplifted,” said one person. “The subject was framed in a positive light and all the participants were kind and caring and therefore it created a safe space to explore.”

Another said: “I gained new perspectives. I felt validated. I’ll plan my end-of-life plan.”

One person added: “I feel lighter because I was able to openly share the story of my husband’s death and how I’m feeling now. There was no judgement.”

Nick talks about how the events can be very powerful. “There's a story from last year where we showed a film,” he says. “We encouraged people to come to the film with something from somebody that they'd lost, and then they were given the opportunity to share what they brought after the film.

"Somebody stood up and said: ‘I feel really silly for doing this, but I'm actually wearing my dad's jumper’. And she started crying. Then somebody else stood up and went: ‘I'm wearing my dad's jumper’. They were both quite emotional, but they then hugged each other.

"It was a magical moment of sadness and grief, but also happiness and human connection. Death is a human thing and it's a real leveller. Sometimes there's lots of laughter at events, sometimes there are tears. It's not as simple as just being sad, the same way that life isn't as simple as just being happy, if that makes sense?”

Ultimately, they want to encourage people to make informed decisions about their final days.

Cheerily referring to the festival, he says: “It's not as scary as you think it's going to be.”

All events are free but must be booked. Visit www.compassionate-sheffield.co.uk/life-loss-and-death-festival