Dean Windass exclusive: Hull City legend on why fear of the unknown is his latest demon to fight

Windass is as full of contradictions now as when he made football fun as one of its daftest and deftest strikers with the likes of Hull City, Bradford City, Middlesbrough and Sheffields United and Wednesday.

He is the joker diagnosed with depression who tried to kill himself twice.

Dependent on alcohol, he was dedicated enough to still be playing professional football aged 40.

The self-proclaimed attention-seeker is dreading being interviewed by The Yorkshire Post because it means he will have to talk about his personal problems. The heavily-tattooed, strongly built former building site labourer who relished kicking lumps out of Roy Keane gets tearful talking in full view of customers at Waterstones in Hull city centre.

Playing professionally kept a lid on his problems, but when that ended in 2009 – he played here and there for Barton Town Old Boys, Scarborough Athletic and Walkington after – they splurged out.

It was not just the depression and alcohol dependency which led to 26 days in rehab, or the bankruptcy, divorce or drink driving bans. In 2024 he was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and he says he has obsessive compulsive disorder too – "I clean my car more than I clean my teeth!"

Then last year he also found out he has joined the depressingly long list of former footballers diagnosed with dementia – something he puts down to the number of balls he headed in training and in matches. Hs is at stage two – the milder end of the scale.

"I wish I hadn't gone in the scanner," says the father of Sheffield Wednesday attacker Josh. "There's nowt wrong with me. Now.

"But there might be in five years' time, there might be in eight months' time, 10 years. The unknown is scary.

"One of my friends has been diagnosed with cancer – he's got two to five years to live. At least he knows in those five years he can enjoy his life.

"I'm 56 and I'm hoping I'll be all right to see my grandkids grow up, to be able to remember my kids when I'm 70 – if I live that long.

"In five to 10 years I could (still) be stage two, I could be stage six – seven's the top one."

Fearless in confronting defenders, it is different with his own problems, which is why he did not want to write his latest autobiography.

"Phil Marshall, a mate of mine, said in the pub, 'Why don't you write a book about life after football? It might help somebody,'" he recalls. "Like the first time I got asked to have a scan, I said no, but then I did.

"My first book in 2007 was very emotional about my parents. To relive it was hard.

"One of my mates I drink with every weekend has read three chapters already. It brought him to tears.

"I can't remember what I'd said in them. I didn't read my first book and I won't read this one."

Former Leeds United and Doncaster Rovers midfielder turned-dementia-campaigner John Stiles, son of World Cup winner Nobby, eventually talked WIndass into a brain scan in late 2024 after this book was finished – hence dementia is tacked on as a brief final chapter.

Another member of Stiles’ Football Families for Justice group, David May, revealed the outcome live on television with Windass' permission after months of silence.

"I've got a little bit of shade on my brain," says Windass. "They found a brain, so that was a plus!

"Kerry (his fiancee) runs my life. I have to put everything in my diary but once I'm there, I do all right. When I do after-dinner speaking I know my script. I can remember 10, 15 years ago.

"The reason I never told people after the scan was I didn't want my kids to worry. When Maysie said it, I didn't know it would go like it did.

"Barry Bannan rang me. He was sat with Josh in a coffee shop after training and said his dad had just rang him – 'Does Josh know?'

"I said 'No'. He was sat opposite him. It was tough."

Hiding problems was the norm during over 700 appearances featuring more than 200 goals – capped by his Wembley Championship play-off final winner for Hull in 2008.

"People didn't realise I had problems," he says. "I never told anybody. People would look at me on the football pitch and see a silly b******. I like to be daft.

"Speak out. Talk about things. Don't be shy to cry. Don't be shy to tell people your problems. You're more of a man to cry.

"I knew I was going to retire when I was 40. I went to Darlington in 2009 with Toddy (his former Bradford manager Colin Todd) as player/assistant manager and I was still fit but the body told the brain I was done.

"It was an easy decision at the time, but when I came out of it, it was tough. I always craved attention as a kid and I do now.

"I wasn't depressed when I was playing football, I was depressed at home. At home I'm the most boring man in the world, I watch Emmerdale, Coronation Street and Only Fools and Horses in my onesie but when I'm out on the streets or on the football pitch I'm a character.

"When I was at home years ago, I was a mess. When I had a bad day I went drinking. Now I don't drink during the week and have a beer at the weekend. I go to the gym every morning because I don't want to put weight on so I can enjoy my weekends."

Trying to kill himself in early 2012 was the turning point for Windass, who later that year checked into the Sporting Chance clinic.

"I used to drink so I didn't have to think," he admits. "I was happy for that three or four hours then the next morning I was back to being lower than a snake's belly.

"I thought, 'If I don't stop this, I'm going to do something silly.' I thought of my kids, Josh and Jordan, and I thought it's easy for me to do myself in, but it's what you leave behind. I thought it was time to grow a pair and sort myself out."

Now he wants to stop others repeating his mistakes.

"I'd love to go around football clubs and help the young kids," he says.

"I'd say if you have any problems, talk to your team-mates, talk to your manager.

"I'd tell them to invest their money properly. Divorce took a chunk of my money but we got told to put our money in our pension. You get taxed on it.

"Josh buys properties. I wish I'd have got told that. I used to put 10 grand in a month in my pension at Middlesbrough. Imagine putting that into property – I could buy Hull I think!"

He worries about Kerry, his partner for the last six years.

"I never thought about it until the other day but somebody came in her shop and asked how she was," says Windass. "She rings every day to check I'm all right, she puts everything in the diary, because I will forget things, and she'll tell me where I've got to be.

"If I didn't have Kerry, I'd be a loose cannon. I'd just go to the pub because I don't like being on my own. I don't mind being on my own at home if I know Kerry's coming home after work.

"Nobby Stiles had to sell his World Cup medal to put him in a home and people like John Stiles, David May, they're striving to say, 'Help these families financially.'

"The PFA is our union. We've put money in so give these families something back. If in 10 years' time I don't know my arse from my elbow, who's going to fund Kerry?"

Deano: Beyond the Final Whistle by Dean Windass with Phil Marshall is published by Pitch.