Fans of the old MTV parody Celebrity Deathmatch need to be in front of their television sets or computers (those who do not subscribe to TNT can watch free by signing up to Discovery+) on Wednesday night when Manchester United play Tottenham Hotspur in the Europa League final.

Grab the popcorn and settle down to watch someone get seriously hurt as two teams with all the momentum of a tortoise with a broken leg desperately try to salvage car-crash seasons.

If you support Leeds United and perhaps Sheffield United do not get too giddy, though.

The two worst teams not relegated from this season's Premier League have still been so much better than every other middle-ranking team in Europe that they have made it all the way to the final in Bilbao. One is about to get around £100m richer because victory brings Champions League qualification.

ON THE UP: Manchester United's quarter-final win over Lyon, celebrated by Ruben Amorim, showed the gap between England and the Continent's middle-classes (Image: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)

placeholder image — ON THE UP: Manchester United's quarter-final win over Lyon, celebrated by Ruben Amorim, showed the gap between England and the Continent's middle-classes (Image: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)

There is such an imbalance in European football right now that whilst England's very best will not take its top prize, the rest are sweeping the board. All England's Europa and Conference League entrants (Chelsea) have made it to their finals.

It was unsatisfactory watching Champions League dropouts get the second chance of joining the Europa League knockouts but without them, the path to the Bilbao has been if not serene, then manageable.

The only English teams Manchester United have beaten since January are relegated Leicester City twice – by the skin of their teeth in the FA Cup – and relegated Ipswich Town, 3-2.

But Real Sociedad? Lyon? Athletic Bilbao? All seen off by the only unbeaten team in Europe's three competitions.

UNDER PRESSURE: Ange Postecoglou could become the first Tottenham Hotspur manager to win a trophy since 2008, or an ex-Tottenham Hotspur manager (Image: Maja Hitij/Getty Images)

Spurs have beaten AZ Alkmaar twice, Hoffenheim and Eintracht Frankfurt amongst others to get to this point. They drew with Roma in the group stages.

Names like that put the strength of the Premier League – footballing as well as financial – into a bit of perspective.

This is the level Leeds are going to have to get to after winning the Championship with 100 points. Emerge victorious from Saturday's play-off final and the Blades will too.

December's League Cup quarter-final could be a foretaste of the slapstick on offer in Spain.

CLOWNISH: December's slapstick League Cup quarter-final which saw Tottenham Hotspur's Son Heung-Min beat Manchester United's Altay Bayindir direct from a corner, exposed the failings of both teams (Image: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)

Spurs took advantage of inept defending and defending to lead 3-0, only for goalkeeper Fraser Forster to gift the visitors two in return. United’s Altay Bayindir let a Son Heung-min corner to go in over his head.

Jonny Evans ensured that at 4-3, Spurs could only limp over the line for the second of three wins over the Red Devils this season.

Both teams have got a lot worse since.

For the loser, it will be no laughing matter.

For more than 60 years, Spurs have been "just a cup team" but with no trophies since 2008, a world-class stadium and occasional Champions League football is all that has been preserving their "big club" status.

Ange Postecoglou, the Premier League's high priest of attacking football, will surely be sacked if he loses or the man who finally ended the trophy drought if he wins.

It will either be an "I told you so" moment for him after his early-season boast that he always wins a trophy in his second season, or for the naysayers who insisted his kamikaze football might work in Australia, Scotland and Japan, but not the world's greatest domestic league.

If pride is at stake for Spurs, the cost of defeat could be much higher for the Red Devils.

Manchester United are falling off the sort of precipice Leeds did at the turn of the millennium. If they miss the safety net winning in Bilbao will provide, there may not be another.

Their decline has been spread over the 20 years since the Glazers turned on the taps to drain over £1bn from the world's richest football club.

Then-vice-chairman Ed Woodward's claim to shareholders in 2018 that: “Playing performance doesn't really have a meaningful impact on what we can do on the commercial side of the business” is looking spectacularly stupid now.

How can a club needing hundreds of millions to rebuild its team, never mind £2bn for a stadium, not continue to go backwards without the riches of the Champions League?

Once upon a time they might bluff their way through on the never-never, not in this financial fair play era.

Making a case for either team to lose is easy, finding a winner is the tricky bit.

Beset by the injuries which have ruined them this season, a Spurs team who always need to score plenty with how many they concede will be missing Dejan Kulusevski, James Maddison, Lucas Bergvall, Timo Werner, and have a pale version of Son this season.

United's one-man team, Bruno Fernandes, is fit and remarkably so are Mason Mount and Luke Shaw but the main issue is they cannot put chances away. Even in Europe they are still prone to defensive landslips.

One way or another it is going to be messy. Let's get it on.