Guilt, anxiety and crisis of confidence: How Sheffield's rising star of British diving Maisie Bond overcame it all to win two European titles

A quick glance at her results; British titles in the 10m synchro and individual, followed by gold medals in both disciplines at the European Championship earlier this month, would suggest that senior experience has been gained with bells on.

But that barely scratches the surface of what has been the toughest year of the 19-year-old from Sheffield’s life, one that saw her riddled with anxiety and questioning her place in the sport.

For that interview in January came just before the inaugural Aquatics GB International at her home pool of Ponds Forge, a weekend in which the rising star of British diving was going to be a headline act.

But she pulled out of competing, and little did anyone know at the time, just how much she was struggling.

“I did a dive in November, it wasn’t bad, I didn’t hurt myself, but it wasn’t quite right,” begins Bond. “At the time, I had so much stuff going on at home, diving had always been my safe space and my enjoyment and then that suddenly crumbled.

“I lost a lot. I completely changed, didn’t trust anyone or myself, or what I was doing day to day. I stopped having motivation, having desire to dive or do anything. I crashed to the bottom and have had to build myself back up.”

March and April were her toughest months. Bond had taken a gap year before starting university to focus on diving but couldn’t even bring herself to go to the pool.

“I never used to struggle,” she admits. “I’d always had anxiety but never panic attacks. But this was confidence as well.

“It was either fight or flight, and I was constantly in flight. I thought I’d hit rock bottom when I couldn’t do the Aquatics GB International in Sheffield, I thought it can’t get much worse than this, and then in April I didn’t end up going to two other competitions in America and Canada and that really shook me. I wasn’t doing anything, wasn’t competing. I sat for a moment and thought I can either quit and leave the sport, but that’s not me, having spent so much time working to get better in diving.

“So it was I might as well just try. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Fighting back

She sought counsel from a variety of sources - the team at Sheffield Diving, Aquatics GB, and her family - to get herself looking forward positively again. Initially she feared what people would think of her, that this was not the “usual confident Maisie” who had swept all before her in the juniors.

Even when she turned up to the national championships in June, her first competition of the year, she had a long way to go.

“I was worried people would think I’d come back and be worse, what if I’d lost everything?” she questioned at the time.

But she didn’t. Alongside Lois Toulson she won gold.

“I was so grateful to be back. If I look back on the year, to be able to stood there in June was such a win. Every time I dipped back down into the fear and anxiety, I reminded myself I’ve made it back and now I’ve got to build on it.”

Through it all, Toulson was a rock. The 26-year-old from Huddersfield had been to her first Olympics by Bond’s age, so understands the pressures and challenges and how to combat them. But her career now is solely about the synchro.

“I felt so guilty about that,” admits Bond. “Lois is not planning on sticking around for many more years, this isn’t the start of her career like it is mine.

"She was missing out on all the competitions as well. But she was fantastic. There is not a chance I could have got out of this without Lois.

“Going into the Europeans I really wanted to do well, particularly synchro, because I wanted to prove to Lois and everyone else that I’m still worth investing in.”

Double European success

Despite the difficult build-up, Bond and Toulson won gold in Paris two weeks ago.

“I was so relieved we won that gold, for Lois,” says Bond.

Two days later the City of Sheffield diver returned for the individual 10m preliminary round, led all the way and then fell to fifth as a result of an over-adrenalised final dive. But that would prove a blessing.

“Going into the individual, having won the synchro, I could relax more into the environment,” she says.

“I had more perspective. I was so grateful to have come as far as I had. Just enjoy my last five dives of the season.”

Indeed she did, winning a second gold. As she heads off on holiday at the end of this most challenging of seasons, experience has most certainly been gained.

“The lessons I’ve learned this year, about myself and about diving, will take me way further than just competition experience,” reflects Bond.

“This is something I’ll have to manage for the rest of my career but I’ve learned how to navigate through that.

“And that is such a useful skill for me to have.”

Joy of six for Sheffield club

​As well as the three golds Maisie Bond and Lois Toulson won between them at the European Championships, Sheffield Diving claimed four more medals.

Jack Laugher (silver 1m), Jordan Houlden (bronze 1m and 3m) and Yasmin Harper (silver 3m) made it a hugely successful meet in Paris.

Ponds Forge coach Tom Owens said: “It’s been a very long time since we've seen a EUropean Championships with such a high standard. Sheffield Diving made its mark, winnign two gold, two silver and two bronze medals.

"I am extremely proud of this result after what has been a challenging year. It is a testament to the phenomenal talent and hard work that goes on at Ponds Forge every day.”