‘I’ve lost one child, I don’t want to lose another to Covid-19’, says dad of six adopted children

Lockdown is proving a challenge for all of us, but imagine being a single dad with five children with additional needs.

Single dad Ben Carpenter has won awards for the incredible work he has done for all his children since he adopted his first child when he was just 21.

“It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t plain sailing. But I knew what I wanted and I am the type of person who will fight for what they want, although there were times in the process when I thought ‘it’s not going to happen’.” says Ben of the process in adopting Jack who is now 12 and  has autism and OCD.

Since then Ben has gone on to adopt Ruby, nine, Lilly, seven, Joseph, four and Noah - who would have been two but sadly died just before Christmas. The process of adopting his sixth child is nearing completion.

Throughout all this Ben says he has had amazing support from social services, his mum and his friends, which has enabled him to be an incredible father.

But coronavirus and in particular the current lockdown, is causing Ben many sleepless nights.

“I am in self isolation as I have an immune system disorder as does one of my children which means we cannot go out to get any essential supplies,” explains Ben, 35, from Kirklees.

“People have been amazing. My wonderful friend Nikki has been such an amazing support to us, she has ensured we have food by going shopping for us and getting our essentials. But I feel guilty that I am putting them at greater risk as they queue to do my shopping. I has applied for government support but I haven’t received a thing.”

Ben tried for three weeks to get a delivery slot from the supermarkets but failed.

“I think there should be priority given to carers as there is to the NHS staff, but it does feel like carers have been forgotten.

“Don’t get me wrong I am not down to my last chip at the bottom of the freezer but I do worry about how I am going to feed my children moving forward.” He has now received a food package from Morrison’s community support.

And Ben is not alone in his struggles.

According to Adoption UK thousands of adoptive families across the UK are currently struggling with a plethora of issues which are exacerbated by the lockdown. The organistion had been calling on the Government to take action to help adoptive parents and last week their calls were answered with £8 million of adoption support funding being made available  to help vulnerable families across England.
Adoption UK’s chief executive Dr Sue Armstrong Brown welcomed the Government announcement .

“I am absolutely thrilled the Government has listened to our grave concerns about the gaps in post adoption support which are appearing as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic.

“The measures set out in this package of support acknowledge the enormity of the problems facing those parenting some of the nation’s most vulnerable children. While many families are experiencing issues with isolation, a disruption to routine, challenging behaviour from children and a lack of support, these issues are all magnified tenfold for many adoptive families whose children struggle with difficulties relating to their challenging start in life.”

And Ben and his family are facing many of these challenges head on as access to their usual support network becomes increasingly limited.

“I have had to become a teacher, a physio, a doctor and a nurse, as well as a parent,” he says. “Luckily we have a garden and the weather has been good so the children spend a lot of time outside.

“My children all go to different special schools and have different levels of need,” says Ben, who was named Champion adopter of the Year in 2015.

“But I am very organised - I have to be - and the schools have been really supportive although we are getting all this different work from different schools so it’s quite a challenge.

Ben says the key is creating a routine. He  gets up at 4.30am everyday and by 5am he has supper in the slow cooker.
As well as helping the children with their lessons they have been doing online gymnastics with Valley Gymnastics and  inclusive community group Shabang (www.shabang.org.uk)

“Shabang have been a lifeline. They do live streaming and the children just love it. They are an inclusive theatre group that work with children with additional needs,” explains.“They sign the songs and also work with two of my children’s special school so it is familiar to them.”

He also spends a lot of his time trying to allay the fears of his older children. “Jack in particular finds it difficult. They have an understanding of what Covid 19 is and see the pictures. But it is hard explaining why they can’t hug people, especially for one of my daughters. The look on her face is heartbreaking.”

Ben is still grieving for his son Noah who died suddenly before Christmas, but he says in some ways he is glad he is not having to go through the current coronavirus pandemic.

“Noah would have been at high risk. If they had to take him into hospital and I couldn’t be there with him I don’t know what I would do.”  

But he says he is still worried all the time about his family and his own health.

“One of my children has  Downs Syndrome and respiratory issues and I am particularly worried about him,” says Ben.

“I have lost one child and I do not want to lose another to Covid- 19.”

Anyone affected by any of the issues raised should contact Adoption UK’s helpline, for free and confidential peer-to-peer advice on 0300 666 0006 / [email protected]

www.adoptionuk.org/