How a positive mindset can help you to tackle menopause

“The first time I went to the doctors when the word menopause was mentioned was when I was 44. It was nothing major and I was offered anti-depressants which I turned down.

“So I never bothered even looking into it and I went along merrily for another five years until it hit me overnight – the brain fog, the poor memory, the anxiety, heart palpitations, dizziness. All these things started happening and I couldn’t understood why.

“At work I’d find myself just staring at the screen, the brain fog would just shut me down. I couldn’t even remember my name, that is quite scary. People mentioned the way I was feeling could be anything but no one ever mentioned it could be menopause.

“I felt myself getting gradually worse over a couple of months and I went in to work and told my boss I didn’t feel I could do my job any more as my confidence had totally gone. She sent me home and I went to the doctors where blood tests showed it was hormonal, linked to the menopause and they put me on HRT.

“Even though menopause had been mentioned again I still didn’t do a thing to understand it. I then spent the next four years fighting it because I couldn’t believe the impact menopause would have on me.

“I went back to the doctors and said I’m not moving from here until you refer me for a brain scan. She did humour me and sent me to the mental health scheme where they did the tests which I, of course, passed with flying colours.

“Then during lockdown I came across an article which explained my symptoms perfectly and that’s when I had my lightbulb moment that what I was experiencing was perfectly normal and I had to stop beating myself up and be kind to myself, and most importantly understand it.”

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Not only has Kirsty, 57, understood her own body but she has made it her mission – via her consultancy Pause for Thought – to educate women, and men, about coping with menopause.

Originally from Ilford, Essex, Kirsty arrived in York 27 years ago via a spell living in Cumbria. She is married to John and also runs a dog-sitting business helping with Age UK’s scheme to walk a dog whose owner is housebound. She also hosts a monthly menopause cafe in York and a walking group.

“Once I’d owned my journey and understood it I went on this wonderful journey of rediscovery about myself,” she said. “I did courses on self-reflection and looking into the values and beliefs that are really important to me.

“Five years ago I decided to change career to be a learning development practitioner – a trainer. I did my work-based training around the menopause at York University and the impact I had was amazing.

“When the information was out there it helped people because when I was going through it, even though I was open about it, it was still very lonely because I didn’t talk a lot about the lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence I had.”

From hosting a hot chocolate café, because it couldn’t be called a menopause café, to talking with different departments, and working with several committees Kirsty began to become embedded in the university.

She said: “When my post came to an end I thought, do I want to stay at the uni or do this which is my passion. So I set up Pause for Thought to help individuals through coaching, help them understand that it is normal and they can achieve their goals.”

But it is working with larger organisations that Kirsty is finding she has the greatest impact. With menopause awareness month in October, and World Menopause Day on October 18 she says it is important employers play their part.

“For some people the workplace might be the only support network they’ve got,” she said. “There’s an assumption that everyone has family and friends outside of work and not everybody has so it’s important that employers are taking it on board and putting initiatives in place.

“It can be lonely and you feel like you’re going mad, so it’s even worse if you don’t understand why it is happening.

“There are so many little things you can put in place that will make a huge difference to your staff. Posters on the back of toilet doors – men and women’s – in newsletters, training up your wellbeing champions and managers.

“Men need to know because they can such a great support to us. I run men only sessions and they’re probably my favourite ones because the men who come to it are so eager to learn.

“What employers will find is that for most people just having someone to talk to will be the only support they need.”

While Kirsty’s journey was bumpy she enthuses positivity and says she is ‘thankful’ for being the person she is today.

“I’m really up on positivity. If people think menopause is going to be something horrible then the minute they have a hot flush then they’ll think ‘oh my God, this is going to be dreadful’.

“To me it’s about the positives and empowering people to own their journey. The minute I was in a positive mindset my journey changed.”